The Greatest Mistake
by Confessed4Life
Summary: Richard learns that by saving Kahlan's life, he has destroyed a part of her. Despite her willingness to put it behind them, he sets off on a journey that may be the answer or the death of him.
1. Chapter 1

Kahlan sat on the bed, her knees up against her chest as she thought. The moonlight shined through the window, lighting nearly the entire room, making it easier for her to stare at the floor. Thunder rumbled in the distance; the sudden noise breaking the silence, made her jump in surprise and then look beside her to make sure that she hadn't woken him. She didn't want him to know that she was still awake. For the past two days, she had tried to distance herself from him, hoping that he wouldn't see that something was wrong. If he knew, there would be no stopping him from trying to fix it, but she couldn't tell him.

One day she would no longer be able to hide it and when that day came, things would change. Turning her head to look at him, she watched him sleep, the peaceful look on his face, making it even harder for her to keep quiet. Covering her mouth, she drowned out the soft whimper that escaped her and moved quickly from the bed. Trying to be as quiet as possible, Kahlan dressed herself, looking over to him every few moments to be sure he was still asleep. Walking to their bedroom door, she opened it nearly soundlessly and then walked swiftly from the room, leaving him alone in the dark.

Just as she rounded the corner, she heard their door open once again. She wanted to run, to go somewhere and finish crying, but he would never stop looking for her. Wiping the tears from her eyes quickly, she took in several deep breaths, hoping that she wouldn't appear to have been crying.

"Kahlan?" She didn't turn around, even as he came closer. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine; I was just going to the kitchen."

He grabbed her arm and held her still, walking around to face her. "Then why were you crying?"

"I'm not, I- I'm just hungry."

Frowning, Richard released her arm and took a step back. "You don't have to lie to me. Kahlan, whatever it is, you can tell me and I know that you wouldn't keep something from me unless you had a good reason, but you don't have to hold onto it alone."

"I'm just going to the kitchen." She repeated her lie, hoping that it might become true.

He sighed in frustration and pushed his fingers back through his hair. He stood in front of her, shirtless and his pants barely hanging onto his hips, showing his hurry to go after her. She could see the pain in his eyes as he tried to think of something to say. "All right." Without another word, he walked past her and back to their room.

She wanted to go after him, tell him that it was nothing, but she knew the moment she saw him again, somehow he would know. Turning on her heels, she rushed down the hallways, passing the kitchen, where Zedd sat eating and out of the palace. She knew that she wouldn't be stopped; no one would dare to stop her. Entering a section of the surrounding trees, she screamed. She allowed herself one last moment to be in despair and to mourn something that she never truly had. Slowly, she brought her left hand to her stomach and traced her fingers over the fabric in the spot her scar rested; the scar Richard had given her from Denna's agiel. That one moment had changed everything.

It wasn't Richard's fault, she told herself as she continued walking, entering deeper into the forest. If he had known what would happen, he never would have hurt her, he would have found another way. There would have been no other way; she knew this to be true. If he hadn't done it, she would have been killed in moments. He had saved her life, but taken it from her as well. He must never know.

Each time they made love, Richard made sure to spend time on the scar, kissing and licking as his only way to tell her how sorry he was. If he knew what the agiel had done, he would never forgive himself. She didn't blame him, though a part of her wanted to, wanted to be mad at him in the hopes that it somehow would make her feel better. Two days ago, when she at last went to see the palace's midwife, she learned that she was unable to conceive children due to the damage done to her by the agiel. She didn't know what to do, it was a Confessor's duty to bare children and continue the line, but she wasn't able to. The moment she was told, Kahlan jumped to his defense, saying that it couldn't have been the reason and that Nicci had stabbed her with a dacra and that it had to be the true reason.

The midwife had been kind and listened to the story, but once she had finished, she continued to frown as she explained what the agiel had done. She told her how it had torn her insides open and that she was honestly surprised that she had lived. Kahlan couldn't remember when she had cried so much. Having Richard's children was something that she wanted more than anything and now that she never could, she felt worthless to him. He had sacrificed so much to be with her and now he lost his birthright to a family.

He wouldn't be fooled for long. They made love nearly every day; every night and she has never been pregnant. He would know something was wrong, if he didn't know already. If she went back to their room tonight, he would be sitting on the bed, waiting and want to talk, but she didn't know what she would say yet. Before she knew it, she had reached the river, miles away from her home.

The sun was rising as she brought her head up out of the water with a gasp. Kahlan spent the rest of the night swimming, holding her breath under the water until her lungs tried to explode and then repeating the action.

"We need to talk." He was sitting on the riverbank, shaded by the trees. "You never came back."

"I needed to think."

"About what?" Swimming closer to him, she tried to think of something. She didn't want to tell him like this. "Kahlan please, I can't go another day like this. You've barely spoken to me, you haven't been sleeping and every time you look at me, you look like I hurt you."

"I- I went to see Helen."

Confused, Richard inched to the edge of the water, hoping that it meant what he hoped it did. "The midwife?"

Nodding, she found herself loosing the energy to remain above the water as tears collected in her eyes. "I can't..." She took in a deep breath, wanting to get the rest of the sentence out. "I will never have..."

He was in the water instantly, pulling her into his arms as she cried. From the way he held her, she knew that he was just as upset as she was; it only made it worse. "Did she say why?"

"No." She answered him quickly and without thought, continuing with the thought that he should never know why.

Pulling back, he cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. "Kahlan, it might be me. Maybe I should-"

Shaking her head she looked away. "It's not you. My body will not..."

Bringing her back into his embrace, Richard stroked his fingers over her back, trying to comfort both of them. Within minutes, he was holding her afloat as she leaned into him, letting herself go. "Come on; let's get you out of the water." She didn't fight him as he lifted her into his arms and slowly began moving out of the water. Sitting her down gently, he grabbed her dress and handed it to her. "Here, let's get you dressed and then we'll go back and-"

"I don't want to go back."

"You need to sleep."

Dressing, Kahlan kept her eyes on the ground, unable to meet his eyes. "Not there. I can't go back yet."

He was soaking wet, his clothes sticking to him as he sat down beside her. Lying back, he opened his arms, waiting for her to lie down within them. "Come here." Lying down on his chest, she clung to him and began to cry. Everything in her mind told her to tell him, tell him why she was unable to have children, but she was so afraid of what he would do. He would never be able to live with the fact that he had caused it, that it was his actions that stole the only chance of continuing her line. She could feel his heart pounding against her check, thumping viciously as though he was able to read her thoughts.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to focus on it, counting each time it thumped as she slowly stopped crying. "We can always adopt Ren," Richard offered, knowing that she needed something to keep her mind busy.

"I don't know."

"I know that it doesn't change anything, that he's not a Confessor and that you-"

She pushed up from his chest and turned away from him, wiping her tears quickly as she shook her head. "I can't continue the line of Confessor's. My sister and I are the last ones and when we die..."

"Kahlan, was she sure? Maybe it's me or maybe there is something we can do. We will keep looking, we will find a way."

"There is no way!" She shouted, turning around and pushing his shoulders. "It's not you and there is nothing that we can do. We will never have children!" Standing up, she ran through the trees, leaving him sitting in the dirt, heartbroken.


	2. Chapter 2

Richard knocked on the door lightly, almost afraid that someone else in the palace would hear him. His clothes hadn't yet dried yet, there were muddy footprints through the halls, leading to him. He only hoped that no one would find him until he had time to ask his questions, to find out what had happened and try to make Kahlan feel better. The door opened and a young woman stepped into the opening. She was short, standing no taller than the middle of his chest; her hair was also short, dropping with a hard edge around her jaw. "There is no changing what you have done."

"What?"

"She didn't tell you?" Helen asked almost as confused as he was. "Of course she didn't. She refused to believe that it is true."

"What?" He was nearly standing on her as he grabbed her shoulders and lifted her off of the ground, giving her a light shake.

"You held an agiel to her stomach, did you not?"

He carried her into the room, kicking the door shut behind them before dropping her. "I did this to her?"

She nodded, taking a step back from him as she smoother her hands over her dress. "It caused more damage that the scar reveals."

Pushing his back against the wall, he slid down to the floor and covered his face with his hands. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"I cannot say, but she didn't believe it to be the truth. Before I could finish, she ran from this room."

Peeking between his fingers, he took a deep breath. "I did this to her?" Richard asked once again, wanting to make sure that he was to blame. Once the other woman nodded, he pulled his hands from his face and looked up at her. "How could she allow me to hold her? How could she tell me that it wasn't me? I took away her unborn children!"

"She only sees her love for you. She said that you saved her life, that the Mord'Sith would have had her killed if you had not acted. That is all she sees."

"If I hadn't done it, would she be able to have children?"

"Yes. You may have changed it all if you had simply chosen a different location for the agiel."

Tears fell down his cheeks as he stared up at her, wondering how Kahlan had allowed him to touch her after what he had done. "Is there anything that can be done?"

"I do not believe so. Whoever mended her wound was careless and did not bother to save what she would need. I suspect they thought she wouldn't live long enough to use it." Her frown deepened, "I know of no one who has magic powerful enough to heal her. She will bear no children."

Her words sent his mind spinning. He knew someone who was powerful enough and the rumors that she was still alive echoed through his thoughts. He would make her heal Kahlan. He would not give up until he restored what he had destroyed. She deserved to have children, to not be alone as her race perished. She deserved someone better than him.

Standing up, he wiped his face and took a calming breath, pushing back his emotions as he walked to the door. "Don't tell her that I came, please."

"She will know. The moment she sees you, she will know."

Rushing through the halls, he walked almost every hallway until he found her. "Cara!" he shouted as he ran toward her. She turned around in surprise, "I need you to pack some things. We leave in the morning."

"Where are we going?"

"I'll tell you once we leave. Don't tell Zedd or Kahlan."

Confusion overwhelmed her; he would never keep something from the Confessor. "What?"

"I need to fix something and I can't do it alone. Kahlan would never let me go."

"What's going on?" She asked as she grabbed his arm.

He pushed down the anger, sadness and frustration as he met her eyes. "I- Have you have known an agiel to make a woman unable to have children?"

"What? No. Mord'Sith are trained with agiels for years but they are still able to have children."

Throwing his hands into the air, he sighed. "This doesn't make any sense!" Combing his fingers through his hair, Richard looked at the floor. "Kahlan can't have children." Cara's sympathetic look surprises him. "The midwife says I did it. I destroyed her ability to have children when I pushed Denna's agiel against her stomach."

"Where?"

He pulled up his shirt and motioned to the lower left side of his stomach. "Here."

"How long?"

Shaking his head he sighed in frustration. "I don't know. Until she fell to the ground."

The sadness on the Mord'Sith's face grew as she stepped closer to him. "Were you supposed to kill her the next time you saw her?" He nodded slowly, hoping that Helen was wrong. "They would not have healed her properly. The damage would be too great for her to carry a child."

His fist slammed into the wall, breaking three of his fingers instantly. "How could I have done that?"

"You didn't know," his friend offered softly as she grabbed his hand. "What did she say to you?"

"Nothing! She told me that it was her fault. How could she have taken the blame for what I did to her? Cara, she told me that it had nothing to do with me, that I was not to blame. She let me hold her; she let me try to comfort her when the whole time she knew what I had done!"

She said nothing as she led him down the halls; she didn't know what to say. She had never seen him this upset before, every breath he took seemed to make it worse. She knew that nothing she said would make him feel any better. Only Kahlan could make a difference.

He opened the door quietly, wanting to make sure that if Kahlan was in there, he wouldn't disturb her as he entered. She lay in their bed, naked, clutching his pillow to her chest with her eyes closed. He wondered if she was asleep, if he shouldn't go to her, but his feet wouldn't stop moving toward her. Easing into the bed, he slowly pulled the pillow from her grasp, replacing it with himself. She moved into him, bringing her head to rest on his chest as she wrapped an arm around him. He couldn't understand how she could hold him like this; how she could want to be near him.

"How long have you been in here?" she asked softly, lifting her head to look at him.

"Not long. I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I haven't slept longer than a few minutes at a time." She moved to her side, pulling on him to follow before running her hand over his chest.

He wanted to tell her that he knew what he had done and that he would do everything he could to fix it, but the way she looked at him gave him another idea. Kissing her, he moves over her, wanting one last chance to give her a child. She welcomed him against her, for the first time in days forgetting her problems. His touch was gentle, but passionate, making her wither beneath him as she pulled the laces of his pants loose. His shirt was on the floor in seconds, her hands exploring his skin widely as he kicked off his pants. And as he had always done, he lowered himself to her stomach, kissing licking and scraping his teeth over her scar.

It was almost too much for him, he had to squeeze his eyes shut to continue. Kissing his way back to her lips, he traced his fingers over the scar, touching one last time before putting it from his mind. Her gasps filled his ears, her moans echoed throughout the room as she pulled him closer in desire. His mind stopped spinning, lost in the feel of her skin against his and the sweet taste of her lips. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pulled him harder to her as her head pushed back into the pillow. With a loud cry of release, she was gone and her magic followed instantly, taking him along with her.

Her laugh brought his head from her neck, a smile on his lips as well. "I was afraid that you wouldn't want to do that anymore."

"I will never stop trying."

Her smile widened seductively. "I hope not."

Rolling off of her, he pulled her into his arms and closed his eyes. "Cara and I are going to go hunting tomorrow. I won't be here when you wake up."

"Hunting?" She was leaning on her elbows, looking down at him as she waited for his answer. "No you're not." His eyes opened and found hers. "Cara was packing, but it wasn't for a hunting trip."

"Kahlan, I-"

Shaking her head, she laid her head back against his chest. "You didn't have to lie. If you don't want me to know where you're going, you-"

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied."

"You-" Jumping up, she grabbed the blanket and pulled it around her. "You went to Helen, didn't you?"

"Yes." Her eyes filled with tears as she lay down on the other side of the bed, facing away from him. He sat up and reached for her, but she pulled away. "Kahlan, I'm sorry. I had to know. I wanted to know if there was anything I could do."

"I didn't want you to know," she said quietly. "You shouldn't have gone to hear her lies."

"They're not lies. Kahlan, I did this to you."

"No you didn't." Her words came out in a soft cry. This had been the conversation she didn't want to have. She never wanted him to think, even for a moment, that it was his fault. "You saved my life. You did not do this to me."

"If I didn't do this, then why won't you look at me?"

She was angry now. How could he think that it was the reason she looked away. Rolling over and sitting up, she pushes him to back. "How could you think that? How could you blame yourself for this?" Dropping the blanket, she crawled over him and brought his hand to her stomach, laying it over the scar. "When you did this, did you know what would happen?"

"No," he said in a breathless whisper.

"When you did this, did you want it to happen?"

"Spirits, no."

She released his hand, but he didn't pull away. Once he moved it, he would be able to see the scar again and he couldn't bare it. "You did not do this to me. You gave me this scar when you saved my life. Anything else that comes as a result, I do not blame you for any of it." Her tears fell onto his chest, pulling his eyes away from his hand and up to hers. "I never wanted you to feel responsible for this. That is why I did not tell you. You should not have to feel this way."

"But I do and I will not rest until I have found a way to give you a child."

"I sent for Ren after we spoke. If he will agree to it, we can have a son."

Pulling her down to him, he hugged her against his chest. "But that doesn't solve your problem."

"Yes it does. Richard, I don't need to continue the line of Confessors. I only want a child with you. Ren could be our child."

As he had told her, Richard was not there when she woke up, but it didn't stop her from looking around the room for him. A part of her had hoped that somehow she had convinced him that Ren would be enough, but she hadn't. She didn't know where he went, but she was sure it was somewhere he hoped to find a way to change what had happened. Turning her head, she saw a small folded piece of paper lying on his pillow. Her heart pounded in fear as she opened it.

It was short, beautiful and comforted her in a way she didn't think was possible. He wrote three things, but the way he had written her name, it had never seen so beautiful to her before. He wrote that he loved her, that he would find a way to undo what he had done and the last thing that comforted her the most were the four simple words 'I will be back.' Bringing the paper to her chest, she closed her eyes, pushing the tears free as she prayed to the spirits to protect him.


	3. Chapter 3

"If we keep moving at this pace, the horses are going to pass out before we reach other city."

Annoyed, Richard looked over his shoulder at the blonde, who rode closely behind him and then slowed his horse to a fast walk. "I need to find her."

"She may not even be alive. You could be looking for a ghost."

Shaking his head, he brushed his fingers through his hair and sighed as he looked back ahead of them. "I don't know what else to do. Cara she is the only one who would have enough power to heal Kahlan. If I can't find her, if I can't undo what I've done, I- I don't know what to do."

"Some things you cannot fix." She was riding beside him now, hoping that he would understand how foolish it was for him to believe that he could change anything.

"No, but if this is one of them, I will die trying." He looked over to her, meeting her eyes for a moment. "I took away something very important and not only from Kahlan, but everyone. The last of the Confessors die with her. I have taken away a part of her life. I cannot sit by and watch- She isn't even trying to fight it, Cara. She's accepted that this is the way that it is and she- She sent for Ren. Cara, she wants a child so badly that she doesn't care if it's hers. She took my advice and sent for Ren. How could I have suggested something like that, when I knew how badly it hurt her?"

She didn't know what to say. She kept thinking that they should go back, that he should be with her, but it was not her place. He had ordered her to go with him and that is what she was going to do. "Maybe he will be enough," she offered quietly, feeling like she was supposed to make him feel better. "She wants a child, he will be the child."

"But he won't be ours and I know Kahlan. She will try so hard to make this all right that it will kill her. I have to fix this."

"Maybe you don't need to fix it. She may not want you to get her hopes up and then not be able to..." Her words trailed off as he looked over to her. There was no need for her to continue. He knew.

"I have to try."

Kahlan walked quietly through the halls, her mind racing with the news that Ren would be arriving before midday. Zedd hadn't left her side since Richard has left four days ago and his constant presence was starting to make her feel uneasy. She could feel him now, walking behind her in case she suddenly changed her mind and wanted to talk. She hadn't spoken about it to anyone other than the High Council and he seemed to think that she needed to. She couldn't disagree more.

Each time she talked with the members of the council, they made her feel more worthless than before and she didn't want to feel that way with him. Kahlan walked into kitchen and took a deep breath as a smile came to her lips at the smell. It was Ren's favorite. She hoped that it would help him want to stay with them. She had personally seen to everything for him, thrilled to have her mind focused on something pleasant. If he agreed, she would have a child and Richard would have a son.

With the final touches on the meal, Kahlan rushed to the front gates, wanting to be there when he arrived and the time was near. She could see the horses in the distance, three with the small boy in the center. Her heart began to race in fear that he wouldn't want to be theirs. She would not think of it until the right moment. He shouldn't hear it in her thoughts until she was ready. When that would be, she didn't know.

It was different traveling without the fear of banelings and D'Haran soldiers attacking them. Richard was grateful that he didn't have to feel the rage of the sword anymore. With the way he felt about his mistake, the sword would have torn him apart. His mind had left thoughts of his wife only a handful of times when he was questioning the merchants. Cara hadn't spoken of the Confessor, not wanting to make the journey anymore harder on him.

She was more than pleased when they would stop in a town and question those who lived there. Many times she had been able to draw blood, gathering more information than questions alone. They had now learned enough to know that Nicci was alive and was with Darken Rahl. This news changed everything, but nothing in Richard's mind.

They would come near their camp within three days and the way he stared ahead of them told her that he would be ready for anything.

"What are you going to do I she doesn't want to come with us?"

Reaching into his pack, he pulled out something silver. "I wasn't planning on giving her the choice."

"You're going to take it from her and then what? Run back to your wife in the hopes that you can use it? You don't know how to use the magic."

"I have to try and she would never go along with helping her. If I don't so this, there is nothing left."

They laughed throughout their meal. It was a welcomed change from how they had been for the past few days. Kahlan kept her mind busy, hoping that he wouldn't be able to pick out one thought alone. He didn't need to. The staff that moved around them stared at her constantly, thinking about how hard it must be for her and Ren didn't miss it.

"They're all worried about you," he said softly as Kahlan leaned back in her chair.

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone who's walked by is thinking about how hard this is for you." He met her eyes just as she let her guard down. "You want me?"

She smiled, pushing down her nerves. "If it's all right with you."

"What happens when you have your own?" he questioned before he read her answer. "Oh." He didn't know what else to say. He could see that she needed to be comforted so he did the only thing he could think of. Getting out of his chair, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Do you really want me to stay?"

"Yes." It came out in a soft whimper as she wrapped her arms around him.

Pulling back, he smiled widely. "Do I get my own room?" She laughed, relived for the first time in days as she nodded. "I guess I'll stay then."

Blood covered his face and sword as he cut through Darken Rahl's men. He was surprised there weren't more of them. Cutting through the last of the men, Cara and Richard stopped at the sight of her. Nicci was hanging from the ceiling, covered in blood, cuts and bruises. They almost didn't recognize her.

"Help me get her down and then we'll tie her to a horse. If we hurry we can be back in two weeks."

"She won't make it out of this room."

Looking over at the blonde, Richard sighed and walked from the small house. When he returned he had the silver dacra in his hand. "Then she won't leave."

He stabbed the metal into her side, letting the magic flow out of her and into him. The colors of it flowing between them took his breath away; it looked the way he had always imagined Kahlan's magic would look. By the time it stopped, his head was pounding and he could no longer see straight. He leaned against Cara as they walked outside. For a few moments, he wasn't sure he would make it home.

"Lord Rahl and his Mord'Sith are arriving at the gates. I've sent for the healer."

Kahlan jumped at the servants words and turned around. "What?"

"The Seeker, M'am. He appears to be wounded."

Dropping the book that she held in her hands, she stood up and nodded at the other woman. "I'm sorry, Ren. We can start again after we've made sure Richard's all right." He nodded in understanding as he followed her out of the room and down the hall.

The people in the palace moved around quickly, trying to get everything prepared in case they were needed. She ran out to meet them, wanting to see him as soon as possible. The moment her eyes landed on him, she stopped. Instantly, she knew where he had gone and what he had done. She was there to catch him as he fell from his horse, blinded by the pain to hold on any longer.

They carried him inside, carefully as Kahlan and Ren walked anxiously behind them. "The blood's not his." Cara told her as she knelt down beside the bed and grabbed his hand. "We had to kill some of Darken Rahl's soldiers to get to her."

Looking over her shoulder, she looked at the blonde. "Nicci? What happened to her?"

"We left her there. He took all of her magic."

"Why would he do that? He knows that he can't-"

Cara sighed, "He wasn't thinking about what it would do to him. He kept saying that it would be the only way to fix it."

"He could have brought her back!" She shouted louder than she intended. "He didn't have to take her magic and then kill himself trying to fix anything!"


	4. Chapter 4

She sat by his side for two days, leaving only to spend time with Ren. Many times, he had come into the room and sat with her, listening quietly as her mind raced in anger, sadness and love. He would've been nervous that she didn't want him around, but every few moments she would think about telling Richard that he had agreed to stay with them and be their son. Looking over her shoulder, she smiled at the small boy.

"We don't have to sit in here all day."

He smiled back at her, pulled his feet up into his chair and leaned back. "Yes we do. He may wake up today."

"You can't want to do this all day. We can find something-"

"I'm fine. This is important to you. It's important to both of you."

Turning around to face him completely, she sighed. "I'm sorry. This isn't how I imagined this going."

"I know." He grinned widely, "I can hear your thoughts remember?"

She laughed lightly and stood up, reaching out for him. "Come on, let's get some lunch."

"We don't have to leave. He wants you here when he wakes up."

Curious and hopeful, Kahlan kneeled down before him. "Can you hear him now?"

"It's not the same. He's not thinking the same way as you. They're not complete and change too quickly, but," he looked over to him lying on the bed and then returned his eyes to hers. "He is thinking about you most of the time. And a blonde woman. He feels bad for what he did to her."

She didn't have to think about who the blonde woman was, it had to be Nicci. From what Cara had told her, he had taken her magic and left her to die; something that was not typical of him. "Anything else?" 

"Just the- He keeps thinking about something I don't understand. He hurt you and he keeps replaying it."

Turning back to Richard, Kahlan sighed. "I didn't want him to know."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want him to think about it, to think that he had done something to be blamed for."

"Did you tell him?"

She looked back at him and sighed as she sat back down in the chair beside the bed, across from him. "I thought that I did. I don't blame him; neither should he."

"Why not?" Ren asked quietly, wondering why she could think the way she did.

"Why don't I blame him? He didn't mean to do this to me. He did it to save my life and if he had known what would have happened, he would have- He wouldn't have done it." Ren smiled widely and leaned forward. "What?"

"It's just that you really believe that. Everyone who has come by you, they all blame him, but you don't." Standing up, he walked over to her side and looked down at Richard for a moment and then back to her. "You- You don't want him to try to fix you?" He asked her confused by her thoughts. "Don't you want to have his children?"

"Not if it kills him. If he wakes up, he will probably die from the magic. He is willing to die to change something that doesn't need to be changed. He wants me to have the chance to continue the line of Confessors and I wanted to as well, but then I realized that I just wanted a child. A child we could both love and- I never wanted him to know."

Laying his hand on her shoulder, he gave it a gentle squeeze and took a step back, revealing Richard with his eyes open. Ren left the room quietly as tears collected in her eyes. Leaning forward, Kahlan grabbed his hand and gave a soft laugh of relief.

"Hi," he said quietly, a smile coming to his lips as she came closer.

Laying her hand on his forehead, she sat down on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

His eyes were black, the strength of the magic flowing through them as he struggled to hold it in. "Headache."

"We've sent for a Rada'Han-"

Shaking his head, he pulled her down over him and wrapped his arms around her. "Not yet, I can heal-"

"Please don't," she begged in a whisper. "It will kill you and" she lifted herself up from his chest and looked down into his eyes. "if I can't have your children, I don't want to be healed."

"But I can't heal you with a Rada'Han." He didn't understand why she didn't want him to heal her, to fix the damage he had caused. She deserved to bare children, to continue the line of Confessors, but she asked him not to.

"I know." Moving slowly, she crawled over him, nesting herself, under the covers, on the other side of the bed with their bodies pressed together. "I was so afraid that you wouldn't wake up."

He struggled to wrap his arms around her, his headache making it difficult to move through the pain. "I wouldn't leave you without fixing what I-"

"Ren has decided to stay, it's been nice having him here," she said softly, interrupting his words. "He's agreed to be our son."

"Kahlan-"

"I'm not going to let you kill yourself to change this. You should push it from your mind. I would rather have you than be able to have children when you are gone." Closing her eyes, she began running her fingers over his chest. "We have a son now. There is no need to do this."

"Can you be happy without a child without the powers of a Confessor?"

"I meant what I said before, when I thought that you were asleep. It doesn't matter to me any longer."

His eyes fell closed as his energy left him. "I have to fix..."

She remained in his arms for a few minutes, even after his hold on her relaxed and his arms fell to his sides. Nothing she said would make him give up on this. What he did haunted him and if she wanted him to be himself again, she had to allow him to try. He was going to try, even if it killed him. Crawling from the bed, Kahlan recovered his body before pressing her lips lightly against his for a brief moment. Slowly, she walked to the door, looking back at him once more before pushing it open and leaving him alone.

Ren was sitting on the floor, across from the door, waiting. "Where is she?"

Kahlan smiled as he stood up, meeting her in the center of the hallway. "I'm not sure. She has left the Sisters of the Light; we may not be able to find her." Turning down the hall, she grabbed his hand and pulled him close. "We have a lot of work to do."

******

Richard woke up several times during the next three days, each time searching the room for her. His body burned in sweat, his shirt sticking to his skin, making him even more uncomfortable. He could see the moon through the window, giving him something to concentrate on as he struggled to remain awake long enough to see her. His body ached as though tiny pins were pushing into his bones; it took most of his strength to remain conscious. Grabbing the blanket, he tried to pull himself up, growing desperate to see her again.

"Don't do that," Kahlan whispered as she sat down on the side of the bed, pushing his shoulder gently back down to the bed. "You're not supposed to be moving."

Wincing in pain, he grabbed her hand and held it against him. "I wanted to see you."

"I found Sister Verna. She's agreed to come and help you to work through this."

Confused, Richard shook his head. "What?"

"I was wrong before. I shouldn't have asked you to put the thought from your mind. I wasn't thinking out how this made you feel and I should have. I should have been honest with you from the beginning, but I didn't think there was a way to change it and I should have known better. Richard, I should have known that you would find some way to- I should have had faith in you and I'm sorry that I didn't." She smiled, gently laying the palm of her left hand against his cheek. "You should rest, she arrives tonight and you will begin in the morning."

"Stay?" he questioned as his eyes fell closed.

"Of course."

"She's here."

Kahlan turned around, revealing her dark, tired eyes. "Will you sit with him, Cara?" The Mord'Sith nodded and stepped forward, pulling the chair up to the side of the bed. "If he wakes up, tell him that I- Tell him that I won't be long."

From the moment she left their room, Kahlan's heart began pounding faster and faster, fearing that somehow he would be powerful enough to heal her. As a Rahl, the blood that flowed through his veins, the magic would be more powerful than any other before him. The amount of power they had seen Nicci present would be nothing in comparison. If Sister Verna is unable to help him, he will die. If he died, she wouldn't be able to go on.

"Will you be able to help him?"

"I cannot say before I have seen him; felt the magic within him. It is different inside of every person; he may not be able to hold it any longer." Verna's voice was soft and fragile, matching her features as she stepped toward the Mother Confessor and gave a small bow. "Magic is not always forgiving. He gave it to Nicci, tossing it away because he did not want it; the magic may take his life in exchange."

"How can it turn on him? He is the one it belongs to; he gave it up only to be free."

The older woman frowned and shook her head. "The magic cares not what the reasons were. It will test him, try him and see if he is worthy of it. Then and only then will I be able to train him. It depends entirely on him." Stepping even closer to her, Verna lowered her voice to a whisper. "Why is it he called for the magic?"

The expressions on her face changed frequently as Kahlan told her the events that had lead to it all. She had never heard anything like it before and almost instantly agreed with the midwife that it wasn't possible to reverse, but kept quiet as the story continued. "If this does not work, I am afraid of what he will do."

"How long since you have slept?"

She smiled, shaking her head as she thought for a moment and then the smiled faded. "I can't remember. I can't sleep when all I can think of is waking up with him dead beside me." Tears filled her eyes and she took the other woman's hands. "I wish that I never found out. I wish that we both spent every night making love and not caring if it brought us a child."

Squeezing her hand tenderly, Verna gave her a small smile. "If it's one thing that the Seeker has taught me, it's that he will always find a way."

Kahlan surprised her as she wrapped her arms around her, letting loose a few tears in her shoulder. "Thank you for coming."


	5. Chapter 5

Four days passed as Richard fought, using everything he had to beat the magic, to reverse the damage he had caused upon his wife. His eyes switched from completely dark to a bright white, changing as the magic moved within him. Many times, Kahlan had to jump from the chair, rush to him and hold him down to the bed as he levitated, only to then be lifted herself as the bed lifted from the floor. He would scream out in anger, the Rahl side of the magic trying to break free as he fought to push it down. He set parts of the room on fire, before screaming her name in agony, his body trying to release the pressure within it. It seemed to grow worse during the night, preventing anyone inside the wing of the palace to sleep through the screams, cries and explosions.

Staring at him, she fiddled with the cloth of her dress, needing to do something to free her thoughts as she waited. Leaning forward, she abandoned her dress and grabbed the dry washcloth from his forehead and replaced it with a damp one. It seemed to make him feel better, making him a little more comfortable. She began talking to him as she had every day, telling him about the color of the sky and how beautiful it was. She told him how much she missed the feel of his arms around her and that the moment he was able to hold her again; she wouldn't allow him to let her go.

Now that the worst seemed to be over, Ren would come in every few hours and sit with her; hearing that she needed the company. He would sit at her feet beside the bed, reading aloud so that she and Richard could hear. It was the most comforting thing Kahlan experienced though the days. Cara even, at times, stopped by and stood in the doorway, listening for a few minutes until she was called away to help Verna with preparations. The palace was filled with talk of how the Seeker and Lord Rahl was fighting the power of the magic and winning. They believed him to be indestructible.

When he opened his eyes, they were alone. Kahlan sat sideways in the chair, wrapped in a thick blanket with her legs hanging over one of the chair arms as she turned the pages of an old book. She looked exhausted, her eyes dark from lack of sleep and her lips formed in a frown, but he still couldn't tear his eyes off of her. Glancing over to him, she gasped in shock as the realization that he was awake came to her. Moving from the chair, she leaned over him and grabbed his face in her hands. She kissed him, roughly, passionately and slowly; lost in the moment.

"How long was I...?"

Pressing her forehead to his, she breathed deeply, feeling, at last, like she could. "Nearly five days. You scared us, Richard."

The glimmer in her eyes, the shining amount of fear that still lingered within her told him something had happened other than he first assumed. "What?"

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Kahlan shook her head. "The magic, it- it looked like it was going to rip you apart." She looked around the room and smiled as he followed her gaze. "We're going to have to rebuild most of it."

The once light blue walls were now burned to a deep charcoal, leaving a burnt smell to the room. The curtains that had hung around the windows were shredded and a different color than he remembered. Their dressers were now, from what he could tell, piles of ash. The two mirrors that stood on the other side of the room were shattered, the glass spread around the room and piercing through part of the walls. The bed he laid on, the blanket above him was the only thing that wasn't burned. He knew she must have replaced it several times. It was then that he realized that he was naked.

"I did all of this?" He asked her quietly, part of him praying that it wasn't true.

"It wasn't your fault. You seemed to be trying to stop it." She laughed, "There were a few times you made something beautiful."

"Like what?"

Leaning down, she picked up the bowl of water she had been using for washcloths and grinned as she reached inside. Lifting her hand, she slowly sprinkled out little white flakes back into the bowl. "It snowed for almost an hour. It put out the fires nicely."

He didn't understand what had happened, why she had laughed or why his head no longer hurt. He felt as though he had slept for months, he longed to get out of the bed, but he didn't move. He knew that one move could turn it around and he didn't want to scare her again. "What happened over there?" He questioned as he pointed to the right back corner of the room.

The wall was black, scorched with a clear blue silhouette of a person in the center. Kahlan bit her lip for a moment, holding back a laugh. "Cara was standing there when you threw a wave of fire over there. She's fine," she added quickly as concern filled his eyes. "She thinks you will be an excellent warrior with your magic." Looking to the door, she pushed back the smile and thanked the spirits that he survived.

"And what do you think?" Her opinion was all that mattered.

Taking one of his hands, she held it in both of hers, gently stroking the back with one of her thumbs as she brought her eyes to his. "I think that you are strong enough to do anything. How's your head?"

"No headache. Did I lose it?"

"The magic?" She asked with a smile. "No. It's still a part of you. Sister Verna says that the headaches should be gone now that you have proven yourself to the magic."

Confused, Richard attempted to sit up, failing as she pushed his shoulders down against the half burned bed. "She's here?"

"You're going to need someone to help you." Her smile was wide as she stared down at him; she seemed to be waiting for him to do something.

"What?" he asked unable to keep from smiling as well. Her smile was always contagious, spreading to anyone around her.

Shaking her head, Kahlan tried to hide the grin. "Nothing, it's just that before, you uh, you levitated the bed and I-" She looked away embarrassed for a moment and then brought her eyes back to his. "Do you think you could do it again?"

His mouth opened in shock. "I did?"

"You did some amazing things. Like this." She looked up to the ceiling and waited for him to look as well. "It's still there, but you can't see it."

He was amazed by the sight. The ceiling looked exactly like the sky. Clouds, sunlight and for a moment, he was certain he could feel the sun shine down against him. Looking to the window, he saw the darkness of the night. "How long has it been like that?"

She was still looking up, smiling as she closed her eyes. "A few hours. Before, you could feel the wind and smell the trees." Looking back to him, she tightened her hold on his hands as the ceiling returned to normal as he tried to think about it. "You should rest. You begin training in the morning."

"I don't think I'll be able to rest. Kahlan, I feel like I have been asleep for months. I don't want to miss anything else."

"You haven't missed anything," she reassured him quietly.

"I've missed days with you."

A smile, once again, came to her lips. "We will have many more."

Pulling his hands from hers, he wrapped them around her and brought her chest down against his. Hugging her tightly, he rolled toward the center of the bed and pulled her with him, making her now lay on the bed. "Will you stay here?"

"I'll have to. If I roll the other way, I'll fall through the bed." He was surprised to hear her laugh as she pulled herself closer to him, making sure that she was farther away from the hole in their bed. "I wouldn't leave you."

******

Kahlan and Ren walked through the palace garden, laughing as they jumped over the small plants to get to another path. The sun warmed their skin as they pulled at some of the flowers and picked a few berries. He stuffed his mouth with a smile as she filled a small pouch.

"He'll eat them all before you've told him."

Looking down at the small boy, she smiled. "Probably, but it will give me a few moments to find the words.

Swallowing another handful, he grinned up at her. "Why? He's going to be happy about it."

"I know, but I-"

"You're afraid that it could be wrong," he told her quietly, abandoning his hunger to help her fill the pouch. "You could always try to make a child again first."

She looked away, embarrassed, instantly trying to hide her thoughts from him, but it was no use. She could already feel his touch, taste his lips and hear his voice. "I'm sorry, maybe we should talk about something else."

"No, it's all right. It is all you're thinking about." He returned his attention to the berries and smiled as he began once again tossing them into his mouth. His lips and fingers stained with their juices as he continued.

Kahlan watched him as her mind went to Richard and how he had somehow reversed what the agiel had done to her without any training or even trying. She had to be wrong, it wasn't possible. "Do you want to go inside? I believe the kitchen staff has prepared a few pies for dinner." 

"Yes!" He jumped to his feet and began running toward the palace. He hadn't gone very far when he turned around and held out his hand for her. "Aren't you coming?"

As they came closer to the room Richard was in, Ren stopped and turned around to face the Confessor. "What's wrong?"

"You should go in there."

Kahlan smiled, "I can't. He shouldn't be disturbed."

He closed his eyes and leaned toward the door, letting her know what he was doing. "They're not working. They don't need to."

"What do you mean?"

Shaking his head, he looked back at her. "I don't know. Something about the blonde woman. He knows what she knew."

She wanted to know more, but she didn't want to use her son to find out. "Let's go to the kitchen."

"He wants to see you."

Smiling Kahlan took a step away from the door and began walking down the hall toward the kitchen. "Then he will come find me."

Ren didn't move; he waited for her to turn around. He knew she would. "He really wants to see you."

"All right, I will knock, but that doesn't mean that they will let me in."

"He will."

For a moment, she was certain she saw a smile on his face, but it disappeared too fast for her to be sure. Once she knocked once on the door, he ran down the hall, leaving her standing alone at the door. "Ren!" She was just about to run after him when the door opened and she met his eyes.

"Hi."

"Hi. I'm sorry; Ren seemed to think that-"

Grabbing her shoulders, Richard pulled her through the door. She looked around for Verna, but she wasn't there. He had changed the room completely. In only a few hours, he had recreated their bedroom perfectly. Before she had a moment longer to take in the sight, he wrapped his arms around her, pressing his chest against her back as his lips found her neck.  
>Grabbing his arm, she let out a soft moan and closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the pleasure of his actions.<p>

His hands moved over her stomach and chest as she leaned back against him. The instant he began untying her white dress she pulled away. He looked at her in confusion as she turned around to face him. "Last night- that's why you wanted me to lay with you. How did you know it would work?"

He smiled, "It worked?"

"I don't know. I didn't see Helen, because I was afraid to get my hopes up."

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I can try again."

"No- I mean- I think that it worked, I feel like it did and I do not know how to explain it, but I- I think that you did it."

Pressing her lips to his, she pulled at his shirt, desperately trying to feel his skin against her. He untied her dress quickly, pushing it from her shoulders as she unlaced his pants. Richard inched her back to the bed as he removed his shoes, his body desperate for a connection with hers. He fumbled with her corset, unable to skillfully remove it as he had done her dress as his mind lost thought to the feel of her beneath him. He tossed it to the floor just as her back hit the bed. Her breasts gave a slight bounce before settling beneath his touch as he began kissing his way down her neck.

With her fingers winding into his hair, Kahlan pushed her chest against him, brining out a low moan that vibrated her throat has his tongue slid along it. He kissed over her chest, sucking and licking his way to her stomach. Pulling his face back to hers, she wrapped her legs around him, trying to bring him closer. The gasp that fled her lips mingled with the moan that left his as he entered her, freeing them both at long last. She couldn't get enough of him, it seemed to be too long since she had felt his touch and tasted his lips. He returned her hungry kisses in full, feeling the same desperation within himself.

Rolling over him, she pushed her hands against his chest, holding herself steady as she settled over him. Her hair fell over her shoulders, covering her breasts until she began to move. Richard reached up, touching her anywhere and everywhere he was able, thriving off of the feel of her skin. He watched her above him, the way she moved smoothly with her head back as she dug her fingers into his chest. Sitting up, he reconnected their lips and pulled her against him.

As her head fell back, her eyes opened for a moment and she gasped, pulling him even closer for safety. "Richard!"

She heard him laugh against her chest as his lips continued exploring. He had done it for her. Looking around the room for a moment with a smile, Kahlan tried to concentrate, but his touch stole the thoughts from her mind. The bed was floating in the air, their heads near the ceiling as he ran his hands over her back, making sure she was as close to him as possible. She continued to move with him, falling back slightly as her magic rose inside of her. His name began to leave her lips, growing louder as they moved faster and faster. She came undone in an instant, her magic ripping through the air, tearing through him as he spilled himself within her.

Their door flew open, making them pull their lips apart and turn to see who it was just as the bed fell to the floor with a loud crash. Richard quickly pulled the blankets around them, covering their naked bodies as two maids and three guards stared at them. Moving backward slowly, the women gave a small bow and adverted their eyes.

"Forgive us Mother Confessor, we heard cries and-"

"It's all right," Kahlan said softly, her cheeks red with embarrassment. "Could you please lock the door?" Once the door was closed, she looked down at the bed and laughed. "We're going to need a sturdier bed."

******

They sat in the dining all, eating breakfast as Zedd told them all a story about he learned to make spice soup. Ren sat beside him, pretending to listen as he stared at the Mord'Sith who sat across from him with her arms folded, complaining that he had already told them the story. Richard sat beside him, paying no attention to the wizard as he stared at his wife. Kahlan sat at the head of the table, trying to focus her attention on Zedd as she ate one of the sausages on her plate. Richard raised his eyebrows, trying to convince her to say something, but she remained quiet.

"You should tell them," Ren said softly, interrupting the older man's story and bringing everyone's eyes to him. "I know," he replied to Kahlan's unspoken words of not wanting him to think that the news made them want him any less.

Their eyes moved to Kahlan, waiting for her to say something. Looking down to her plate for a moment, she took in a deep breath, still unable to believe what was happening. "I'm- I am pregnant."

Richard beamed at the rest of the table, pleased with the announcement that he would soon have a daughter to play with their son. Cara stared at them both blankly, unable to see why they were so happy. Zedd dropped his fork and grinned with pride as slapped his thin hand on Ren's shoulder as he swallowed the large bite in his mouth.

"To be sure, we saw Helen yesterday," Richard said with a smile as he continued to stare at Kahlan. He had done it. He reversed his mistake and now they were going to have a baby. He couldn't be happier to add to their new family.

"What are you going to name her?" Ren asked as he pushed out of the chair and walked between the couple.

Grinning, she shook her head slowly. "We haven't been able to decide yet."

"But we've narrowed it down to a few," Richard informed them all as he took Kahlan's hand. "I think we'll have to have a child for each of them."

"You want us to have six more?"

"Why not? Ren will need a few sisters to play with. Won't you?"

The boy grinned widely and nodded. "I always wanted sisters."

Richard leaned back in his chair, his smile widening even wider. "Then it settles it. We will have many more!"

Standing up, Cara pushed her chair and sighed. "Once you give birth, you won't have time to make another."

Kahlan's face turned red as Richard beamed at his friend. "I'm sure we'll have no trouble finding the time."

"I'm sure..."

As Cara walked out, Ren turned to the wizard with wide eyes as he listened to the happy couple's thoughts. "We should go."

******The End******


End file.
